Psalm 5 - To Journal or Not to Journal That is the Question

Sometimes I am not sure why I journal. My mind is constantly pondering, questioning, meditating, wondering, analyzing, thinking and rethinking. I don’t think my brain understands the phrase “just give it a rest”. It seems to be in a constant state of conversation with itself. So, why bother to put these thoughts down on paper? Why not just leave them in the secret files of my mental notes. I mean, no one really reads these epistles composed of my lessons gleaned from life. And yet, that isn’t really what seems to be important to me or I might have actually told people that I have a blog. No one really knows. I am drawn to compose my scattered thoughts on paper, or in this case electronic cyberspace, because there seems to be something cathartic about the power of the pen (or keyboard). Maybe by putting it down and having to actually visualize the thoughts that were racing through my brain, they will either be seen with more clarity to be revealed as truth….or perhaps be revealed as folly. But then again, when written for all to see then the folly is seen by all, not just me. There is a certain vulnerability attached to the revelation of my most intimate thoughts and feelings being put on display for public view…and possible judgment. Blogs are now interesting because they are becoming more and more public. They are a form of a diary. When I was a little girl growing up we all had our diaries that held our most intimate and private thoughts. The diaries came with lock and key and even when locked you would hide it away out of fear that someone might glimpse the secrets it contained. Now putting our thoughts out for public consumption has become the norm rather than the exception. By posting our blogs we have given everyone the key to our diaries. There have been several times in the last few days when I have wanted to journal and yet felt stymied. I realized today that it had a lot to do with the fact that there are just a lot of thoughts that I still want to keep under lock and key. I want to dialogue. I want to compose. But I am not ready to publish. Hmmm do I really trust anyone who might read to have access to the intimacies of my thoughts and as a result the power to perhaps condemn, judge or even crush my spirit or hurt my heart? Maybe when I can answer that question….or not be afraid of that question…then I will actually share the fact that I have a blog with others.